Friday, January 13, 2012

Thursday, January 12, 2012

new truck, histrionic sunrise

















before i took this picture, i had just been giggling with one of my favourite customers because one of our night workers must have had a spot of sleepy finger trouble and the chef's invoice was charging eight times the going rate for two kilos of cheddar slices

he and i speculated that the gods themselves must have milked a golden cow on the slopes of mount olympus

Saturday, January 7, 2012

i shouldn' t smirk ...















the loved one and i travelled back from the big hospital in a comfy taxi and i have been promoted to part-time butler/male-nurse for the time being

she requests the use of her laptop so that she can wirelessly watch her favourite hospital saga, "holby city", using the bbc i-player

half way through the episode, ( which i cannot watch, mostly for reasons of snobbery mixed with delusions of cultural grandeur ), i hear her voice rising in a kind of panic ...

 "no, no, no-o-o-oh !"

the television doctors are re-setting a dislocated shoulder, just like hers ... with realistically scrunchy sound effects

very thoughtful of the guardian to issue this leaflet today ... pity the hospital haven't considered the difficulty of finding a nail varnish to match that velcro

file under "gratuitous over-use of the credit card"






... arguably necessary as this book is stuffed with wonders

http://www.spectator.co.uk/columnists/all/3454556/and-another-thing.thtml

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

news of the screws

i was sitting besides a trolley in the accident and emergencies circus this afternoon when a prisoner with head injuries was wheeled in to the next bay

the prison officer who was keeping an eye on things and remained next to the trolley pulled out a packet of crisps and ate them noisily

then he swaggered over to the bin that was clearly labelled for re-cycling only, and re-cycled the empty packet

Monday, January 2, 2012

insomniac's consolations ( i )























i've been awake for almost a week with a heavy cold that likes to shift itself from one uncomfortable part of the body to another whenever i imagine it vanquished

i've always struggled to read methodically ... i'm rarely truly comfortable with larger books, i have a poor attention span and an itch to skip a few pages, and a kind of laziness with small print, especially in long paragraphs

not only did the loved one discover a lectern in a charity shop, but she also she went out and bought a huge "daylight" lamp, the Lumie Brightspark, which is transforming my experience of reading into something more intense and rewarding

now i just need to catch up on all that lost sleep

insomniac's consolations ( ii )

















the loved one bought Paintings in Proust for me a couple of christmasses back

on this christmas eve she arrived home from the library with Proust's Overcoat, and it was only after deeply enjoying this little christmas jewel that i noticed it had been translated by the same writer

happy new year mister karpeles, and miss foschini, i am deeply indebted

Friday, December 23, 2011

in the park with the dog ...























getting dark and starting to rain but i'm in my work boots and storm proof coat so mustn't grumble

i discover a size three plastic football ( kids soccer ) and i kick it towards a tree

it bounces off with a satisfying thump

i feel smugly self-important, ( to paraphrase lucy from ponty, more like wayne rooney than george clooney )

however, my second attempt misses by about twenty feet and i slink away furtively

but i hide the ball beneath a fallen tree trunk with the intention of regaining champions' form before the new year

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

doll smallridge



doll was my mother-in-law for a while

she was full of energy and kindness and laughter

possibly the least complicated person i ever knew

she died yesterday and i've been thinking of her all day

i feel privileged to have known her

Sunday, December 18, 2011

the lover's complaint ...


















when intelligent extra-terrestrial life-forms eventually re-discover our dead planet and break open my mausoleum and reverently unlock my secret diaries, their lexicographers will ponder with some incredulity on the regularity of the compulsory hoovering in my brief and tragic existence, and they may even feel it is necessary to re-define the meaning of the word “suffering” for the ninety-ninth century

double dyslexia

i stand on the threshold of a shop with a clear glass door

on the inside of the door they have stencilled the word PULL in block capitals, at eye level just above the door handle

i read the word in reverse, and then pull

nothing

the girl behind the counter gestures incomprehensibly

eventually the embarrassing truth dawns

the girl behind the counter says lot's of people do that