the new emotional blackmailer's handbook

Monday, August 29, 2011

Sunday, August 28, 2011

insomniac's experimental hand-held torchlight table-top photography ordeal at five on a sunday morning ... i'm only using a bunch of flowers 'cos the loved one refused to get out of bed and model, although i will, of course, have to credit her production role as chief flower wrangler

Saturday, August 27, 2011

i've been failing to reach the bottom of this bottle for four years

i wonder if the lion's long mane isn't modelled on that of the rather intimidating lady who used to stand at the counter ... by golly, she had long nails, too !

maybe i'm just a sentimental old fool ....

but i still laugh out loud remembering the first time i saw this while i was waiting for the kettle at seven in the morning in phoenix

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oF5cBoAV5Ys&feature=relmfu

Friday, August 26, 2011

Three lads swaggered on to the homeward bus yesterday afternoon, making plenty of noise. Whilst the two fifteen year-olds repeatedly shouted out their determination never to allow any white woman ( there were about ten white women on the bus ) to “S*** M* D***”, the sixteen year-old and loudest took out his phone and began an even louder conversation with “a friend”, the subject of which was a change in Metropolitan Police’s prosecuting procedures in Magistrates’ Courts.

At first It was difficult to follow the conversation because everything was gabbled in a highly streamlined kind of playground talk, but it became possible to distil some meaning because everything was repeated at least four times, partly because he had trouble saying and conveying what he meant, and possibly because the other person was as daft as he and had a similar attention span.

The gist of the twenty minute communication was that he had just been released by the police after 24 hours at the station helping them with their enquiries following a raid on his family home. Some of their mutual friends and neighbours, who had been raided on the same day, had been remanded in custody.

What he had learned during the process was that the Met are determinedly changing their procedures with petty criminals and are recording every alleged offence as well as previous convictions, and are presenting the magistrates with more detailed lists of previous form, arrests, acquittals, taggings, etc, whenever new cases come up. This means that his list of misdemeanours has suddenly grown much longer and he is in certain danger of being remanded in custody as and when he next gets himself in to trouble.

What he hadn’t learned … it seemed to me, by implication, because he never mentioned the possibility … is that this might be a very good time to change his life-style and stop being a bad boy.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

3BT 25th August 2011

At second glance, the bus load of passive or expressionless schoolgirls leaving Gatwick Airport at seven in the morning turns in to a bus load of jet-lagged Malaysian air hostesses.

After a morning of tropically heavy rainstorms, I pause on my round to stand in a kind of bower, the shady canopy of a small plum tree, and I select one perfect purple plum, whose tender sweetness closes my eyes involuntarily like a kiss and transports my whole being back in to childhood.

Seen from the homeward bus at Clapham Junction, two women, with identical straight blond hair held by elastic bands in short pony-tails, kiss. One is only five feet tall and stretches upwards on tip toe, whilst the other is about six feet two and bends only very very slowly until their lips touch at last.