the new emotional blackmailer's handbook

we are away to yorkshire for a few days ... perhaps we should take sandwiches

2012-01-26T14:14:00.000-08:00

were he to have been re-incarnated, titian might possibly have enjoyed this little spectacle ...

2012-01-23T08:40:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1o9RGnujlkI

do you think the internet is harming my eyesight ?

2012-01-22T13:32:00.000-08:00

... once, in a hotel room in barcelona, we were channel hopping and found the addams family, mind-bogglingly dubbed in to italian but sub-titled in spanish ... subsequently the loved one found me a DVD set ... from here on gomez will be my role-model

an insomniac contemplating his lectern

2012-01-21T23:44:00.000-08:00

de mort, en passant ...

2012-01-20T23:14:00.000-08:00

as i shuffle wearily from the workplace towards the bus stop, i walk along a rough and narrow pavement beside a very busy arterial road to the crossroad and am slowly overtaken by three highly polished stretch-limos, daimler limousines, each stuffed with well-groomed people, all of them expensively dressed in black ... it must have been a very smart funeral ... the convoy halts at the lights, one, two, three ... and there beside me, in the back seat of the very last car, a young man and woman, immaculately dressed for mourning, are snogging passionately

i googled "death and the maiden" after writing this and discovered this lovely image, which i have reproduced here without permission:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_C._Christensen

do you want it good or do you want it tuesday ? ... this is VERY good

2012-01-20T22:13:00.000-08:00

http://www.benpentreath.com/shop/books/do-you-want-it-good-or-do-you-want-it-tuesday-by-ruth-artmonsky/prod_1608.html

nothing in the kitchen is nearly so stainless as my reputation, maybe

2012-01-19T12:04:00.000-08:00

waiting for a train

2012-01-19T12:01:00.000-08:00

near clapham common ...

2012-01-15T06:45:00.000-08:00

... on the common ...

2012-01-15T06:44:00.001-08:00

... not so common and nowhere near the common

2012-01-15T06:44:00.000-08:00

concerning dogs and cats who have nothing better to do on a saturday morning

2012-01-14T04:19:00.000-08:00

burgeoning

2012-01-13T08:38:00.000-08:00

new truck, histrionic sunrise

2012-01-12T08:31:00.000-08:00

before i took this picture, i had just been giggling with one of my favourite customers because one of our night workers must have had a spot of sleepy finger trouble and the chef's invoice was charging eight times the going rate for two kilos of cheddar slices

he and i speculated that the gods themselves must have milked a golden cow on the slopes of mount olympus

howard jacobson on reading dickens, with reference to the bbc's recent travesty of great expectations

2012-01-10T13:12:00.000-08:00

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2012/jan/06/charles-dickens-bbc-howard-jacobson?INTCMP=SRCH

a small sample from the recent present to myself ...

2012-01-07T22:32:00.000-08:00

i shouldn' t smirk ...

2012-01-07T09:56:00.000-08:00

the loved one and i travelled back from the big hospital in a comfy taxi and i have been promoted to part-time butler/male-nurse for the time being

she requests the use of her laptop so that she can wirelessly watch her favourite hospital saga, "holby city", using the bbc i-player

half way through the episode, ( which i cannot watch, mostly for reasons of snobbery mixed with delusions of cultural grandeur ), i hear her voice rising in a kind of panic ...

"no, no, no-o-o-oh !"

the television doctors are re-setting a dislocated shoulder, just like hers ... with realistically scrunchy sound effects

very thoughtful of the guardian to issue this leaflet today ... pity the hospital haven't considered the difficulty of finding a nail varnish to match that velcro

2012-01-07T05:24:00.000-08:00

file under "gratuitous over-use of the credit card"

2012-01-07T05:07:00.000-08:00

... arguably necessary as this book is stuffed with wonders

http://www.spectator.co.uk/columnists/all/3454556/and-another-thing.thtml

dramatic scenes at st. george's hospital in tooting ... the loved one had a fall nearby and did some damage to a local pavement ... i expect some cockneys scooped her up and trundled her around to A&E on a barrow

2012-01-05T08:43:00.000-08:00

at the new st.george's they have a painting by edward bawden of the old st.george's ... now the swanky lanesborough hotel on hyde park corner

2012-01-05T08:39:00.000-08:00

there might be trouble if she finds the sink full of unwashed crockery when she comes home

2012-01-05T08:37:00.000-08:00

news of the screws

2012-01-03T08:43:00.000-08:00

i was sitting besides a trolley in the accident and emergencies circus this afternoon when a prisoner with head injuries was wheeled in to the next bay

the prison officer who was keeping an eye on things and remained next to the trolley pulled out a packet of crisps and ate them noisily

then he swaggered over to the bin that was clearly labelled for re-cycling only, and re-cycled the empty packet

insomniac's consolations ( i )

2012-01-02T00:21:00.000-08:00

i've been awake for almost a week with a heavy cold that likes to shift itself from one uncomfortable part of the body to another whenever i imagine it vanquished

i've always struggled to read methodically ... i'm rarely truly comfortable with larger books, i have a poor attention span and an itch to skip a few pages, and a kind of laziness with small print, especially in long paragraphs

not only did the loved one discover a lectern in a charity shop, but she also she went out and bought a huge "daylight" lamp, the Lumie Brightspark, which is transforming my experience of reading into something more intense and rewarding

now i just need to catch up on all that lost sleep

insomniac's consolations ( ii )

2012-01-02T00:10:00.000-08:00

the loved one bought Paintings in Proust for me a couple of christmasses back

on this christmas eve she arrived home from the library with Proust's Overcoat, and it was only after deeply enjoying this little christmas jewel that i noticed it had been translated by the same writer

happy new year mister karpeles, and miss foschini, i am deeply indebted

recette de champignons d'austérité ...

2012-01-01T09:47:00.000-08:00

the natives are restless

2012-01-01T09:44:00.000-08:00

tate shots: maurice sendak ... absolutely human

2011-12-31T09:59:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXAjkLUv7dY&feature=player_embedded

gotta new lectern ... her indoors carried it home triumphantly from a charity shop ... the gel dun good, so its an 'appy new year, ennit ?

2011-12-31T03:51:00.000-08:00

on the road to crowborough

2011-12-30T08:12:00.001-08:00

listen !!! ... the met's connections talks ... a very nice connection thanx to metafilter

2011-12-28T10:22:00.000-08:00

http://www.metmuseum.org/connections/

http://www.metmuseum.org/collections/search-the-collections/130015913?img=0

i know little of classical thinking, but i know what i like and this blog often makes me smile

2011-12-28T09:34:00.000-08:00

http://consumingantiquity.blogspot.com

she thinks she owns the place ... i half expect to see this profile on a postage stamp

2011-12-28T08:43:00.000-08:00

a day of physical and psychological preparation is complete ... i am ready for my encounter with shreks two and three and donkey in the office at four-thirty tomorrow morning ...

2011-12-27T13:21:00.000-08:00

should i worry so much about the loved one's mood swings ? is it any wonder i've been losing sleep ?

2011-12-27T07:42:00.000-08:00

standard attainment test for year six students of goth anthropology: are insomniacs living ghosts or borderline zombies ? discuss

2011-12-26T23:56:00.000-08:00

merry christmas, darling ...

2011-12-25T01:25:00.001-08:00

... there just wasn't the time to wrap everything you wanted ...

2011-12-25T01:24:00.000-08:00

... but i'll still have just enough time to hang a few more baubles before you chain me to the kitchen sink !!!

2011-12-25T01:22:00.001-08:00

if you are female, look away now ...

2011-12-24T01:53:00.000-08:00

in the park with the dog ...

2011-12-23T11:36:00.000-08:00

getting dark and starting to rain but i'm in my work boots and storm proof coat so mustn't grumble

i discover a size three plastic football ( kids soccer ) and i kick it towards a tree

it bounces off with a satisfying thump

i feel smugly self-important, ( to paraphrase lucy from ponty, more like wayne rooney than george clooney )

however, my second attempt misses by about twenty feet and i slink away furtively

but i hide the ball beneath a fallen tree trunk with the intention of regaining champions' form before the new year

doll smallridge

2011-12-21T11:34:00.000-08:00

doll was my mother-in-law for a while

she was full of energy and kindness and laughter

possibly the least complicated person i ever knew

she died yesterday and i've been thinking of her all day

i feel privileged to have known her

the lover's complaint ...

2011-12-18T08:03:00.000-08:00

when intelligent extra-terrestrial life-forms eventually re-discover our dead planet and break open my mausoleum and reverently unlock my secret diaries, their lexicographers will ponder with some incredulity on the regularity of the compulsory hoovering in my brief and tragic existence, and they may even feel it is necessary to re-define the meaning of the word “suffering” for the ninety-ninth century

double dyslexia

2011-12-17T23:52:00.000-08:00

i stand on the threshold of a shop with a clear glass door

on the inside of the door they have stencilled the word PULL in block capitals, at eye level just above the door handle

i read the word in reverse, and then pull

nothing

the girl behind the counter gestures incomprehensibly

eventually the embarrassing truth dawns

the girl behind the counter says lot's of people do that

john wilkes in fetter lane

2011-12-17T11:48:00.000-08:00

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Wilkes

australians in the strand ... i'd welcome any interpretation of the ?allegorical? narrative

2011-12-17T07:11:00.000-08:00

i was supposed to be christmas shopping but it was a fiasco and i bought NOTHING .... instead, i ended up amongst all the old familiar faces ...

2011-12-15T11:08:00.000-08:00

sadeler's engraving of an allegory on death, portraying his friends bartholomaeus spranger and the recently deceased frau spranger ( christina muller ), in whose home sadeler had lodged

2011-12-12T13:03:00.000-08:00

i had wanted to know more about spranger's bizarre paintings to begin with, but something intrigued and mystified me about sadeler's technique, and then i learned that he had engraved some of durer's drawings, long after durer's lifetime, works with which i had long been familiar ... and then, just to annoy me, i spotted the name of another sadeler family member in the lower right corner of this engraving ... so i was still flummoxed, and none the wiser, for a while ... was this engraving from a drawing by spranger ?

ah, here seems to be an answer to my question ! yes ! but thanks to sadeler it seems uncharacteristic because it lacks spranger's usual extravagant mannerisms and lurid colours

http://www.evbaeyer.com/pages/catalogues/sadeler.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadeler_family

http://www.britishmuseum.org/pdf/4%20Durer%20Model1.pdf

( they're on the phone at ) two temple place

2011-12-11T09:32:00.000-08:00

http://www.twotempleplace.org/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Two_Temple_Place

http://www.bulldogtrust.org/

we're gonna hang out the washing on the siegfried line ...

2011-12-11T00:35:00.000-08:00

just fab ! full of mysteries and delight

2011-12-11T00:32:00.000-08:00

no photography allowed inside, so not my picture ...

three levels of difficulty for the sleepless

2011-12-10T23:19:00.000-08:00

quietly pouring a fizzy drink by moonlight in the darkened kitchen

whilst

counting the remnant oak leaves fluttering on the tree outside

then

failing to count my remnant virtues on the thumbs of one hand

with

eyes tight shut

brrr ! let's pretend it's a lovely autumn day like yesterday ...

2011-12-08T08:54:00.001-08:00

hey-nonny-no ! tra-la-la ! only four months 'til spring !

2011-12-08T08:52:00.001-08:00

microclimate at an altitude of two hundred and sixty metres in the woodland on botley hill

2011-12-08T08:50:00.000-08:00

TRILINGUAL ACROSS SEVERAL OCEANS AND CONTINENTS

2011-12-05T10:34:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, as I waddled from a posh supermarket towards my bus stop at Clapham Junction with several heavy shopping bags, I was overtaken by a trotting girl who emerged from a phone shop and was laughing in to her mobile phone in a language that might have been Cantonese, BUT, her narrative was frequently punctuated with brilliant mimicry of a South London Jamaican lady that she’d just been arguing with about her phone contract, and she was totally convincing on all levels … vocabulary, syntax, and pronunciation.

Late this morning, in the space of one minute, driving the bright red truck past Sidlow Bridge, I saw a big old buzzard.flapping languidly from one solitary golden oak towards another that stood some way off in a big stubble field, then I disturbed a pair of sparrow hawks who rocketed away in different directions from the tangled hedgerow, and then after I’d blinked, a green woodpecker crossed the road in that swift undulating trajectory that typifies their top-heavy flight attitude.

On the way to Gatwick in near freezing conditions at five thirty this morning, the stars glittered and the space between us and them was filled with newly arriving intercontinental planes stacking and circling for their landing slots at Heathrow and Gatwick, and all their clockwork motions seemed compressed in to a smaller distance, their lights being so clear. When the sky eventually turned orange, the silhouettes of the incoming jets at Gatwick were pure black, even the ones that were dipping and banking fifteen miles away.

the sky ... chez micawber ... photographed whilst drinking the day's first cup of tea

2011-12-03T23:52:00.000-08:00

somewhere to relax on the way home ... the cafe in the old ticket hall at queenstown road station

2011-12-03T12:48:00.000-08:00

... its a great place to write, the coffee is very good and there's always another train to putney in ten or fifteen minutes

ce matin chez micawber

2011-12-03T11:32:00.000-08:00

The Loved One only wakes when I’ve been reading and writing for two hours. She whimpers for tea but her voice is so faint that I fail to hear it through the wall and two intervening doors. She whimpers just slightly more loudly and so I rush to her side, ever attentive ( there’s no soccer on the radio this early on a Saturday ).

She needs a cup of Earl Grey tea. I point out to her the practical advantage of our both owning mobile phones.

three beautiful things

2011-12-02T12:10:00.001-08:00

Driving through the mist just before sunrise, after a very rainy night, down the long gentle hill in to the pretty village of Hartfield, on the north side of Ashdown Forest. Each surrounding grey hill, each grey wood, and each of the grey hills and woods that lays beyond them is clearly silhouetted against the morning mist that flows among the folds and valleys. So too, are outlined the roofs of houses and the steeple on the church, even the weather cock is distinguishable in the semi-darkness as the sky shows its first colours. Towards the far end of the village, some teenagers, who I often pass as they wait for their school transport at the bus stop, have seen my truck first and are leaping up and down to greet me, themselves grey silhouettes.

Talking to a laughing customer whose pretty little twin daughters may have inherited his dyslexia. If they also inherit just some of his quick intelligence and razor wit, and his unstoppable energy and infectious optimism, then everything will be alright.

On the hilltops of Ashdown Forest in mid-morning the sky is now very bright, and you can see the undulating line of the South Downs stretching far away towards Hampshire. But the valleys are crowded with dark dripping trees and their colder air remains brim filled with mist and woodsmoke, and a few sunbeams.

of course, i realize there are some unfortunate deviants who don't like marmalade ...

2011-12-01T09:15:00.001-08:00

tight parking in our crowded yard

2011-12-01T09:12:00.000-08:00

great wishford church

2011-12-01T08:32:00.000-08:00

3BT

2011-11-26T12:51:00.000-08:00

1. From the passing bus I watch a young woman standing at a crossing. She's dressed in black. Black shiny shoes, black shiny tights, black dress, black raincoat, black sunglasses, black ribbon. Silent. Expressionless. Her hands are thrust deep in her coat pockets. She's trying to hoist her knicker elastic back up around her waist. The front of her skirt and her coat twitch slowly up beyond the modesty line. Then she stops fidgeting and shakes her whole body to regain her composure.

The Loved One and I re-enter the flat after our short holiday, and realize before we even switch on the light that the air is full of the powerful sweetness of the newly flowering hyacinth.

On Gelligaer Common, I drive slowly across the moorland towards a bunch of galloping ponies and stop for them to cross the road. One, the smallest and hindmost, veers off and turns back. We move for a minute or so in parallel, he is only ten yards from the car. On the other side of the car, besides a high ridge, the same distance from me and less than ten feet above the ground, a red kite hovers, wings and forked tail working and twisting as she fights to maintain her position in the wind.

aunt mavis trying on her mother's glasses

2011-11-26T09:50:00.000-08:00

all things must pass ... some with flying colours ... the mourners gave a thunderously rousing three cheers for tina before they hit the bar

2011-11-26T09:33:00.000-08:00

the usual suspects ... barcelona, again

2011-11-26T09:21:00.000-08:00

stuff at bancffosfelen

2011-11-25T13:16:00.000-08:00

whoa ! hang on a minute ! those ain't the white cliffs of dover ! ... backsun

2011-11-22T14:41:00.000-08:00

tear jerkingly brilliant ...

2011-11-17T10:46:00.000-08:00

viral ... via angus trumble in this instance

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyviyF-N23A&feature=youtu.be

braque's ghost

2011-11-17T08:24:00.000-08:00

a fully subskribed member of the irreversibly krinkly klub

2011-11-17T08:18:00.000-08:00

stuff in the VandA

2011-11-13T11:37:00.000-08:00

the illusion of winter ... and whilst i'll never be tempted to join the english defence league, i'd like to assert my national right to fry liver and onions at six in the morning

2011-11-12T22:55:00.000-08:00

at sheffield park, flouncing in ...

2011-11-12T05:46:00.000-08:00

... flaunting herself ...

2011-11-12T05:44:00.000-08:00

... and flouncing out again

2011-11-12T05:43:00.000-08:00

appropriately, on armistice day, i found this document on display in the new museum on the bluebell line at sheffield park station

2011-11-12T05:38:00.000-08:00

her wonderful daughter alex just told me that tina's gone ... last week i had promised her that paul newman would be waiting by the gate to lead her directly, hand in hand, to the bluebell wood

2011-11-10T06:36:00.000-08:00

...and this is what was playing on the radio when i got the message

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ri2CzfI84Wk&feature=related

i had often wondered why none of my country friends make jam with spindleberries

2011-11-09T09:09:00.000-08:00

http://www.thepoisongarden.co.uk/atoz/euonymus_europaeus.htm

bags of crisps were packed in tins like this when i started school in 1954 ... i found this one in an alley way behind a restaurant this afternoon ... and despite all our wet weather it was as bone dry as if someone had just put it out

2011-11-09T09:00:00.000-08:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/castlekay/2630591987/

burwash rose ... a generous gift from it's maker ...

2011-11-09T08:52:00.000-08:00

http://www.traditionalcheesedairy.co.uk/news.htm

... many thanks ... we'll savour it when the loved one gets home this evening

romance open brackets love close brackets divorce marriage

2011-11-07T13:14:00.000-08:00

some mildly discordant domestic discourse which failed to ruin our weekend ...

2011-11-07T07:53:00.000-08:00

He: "Do you know ? I think you've never, ever, polished my shoes for me !"

She: "You might like to get on the internet this evening and start researching ... like ... where your nearest soup kitchen will be."

bronze stuff in the ashmolean

2011-11-06T03:04:00.000-08:00

a well-travelled saddle

2011-11-06T00:01:00.000-07:00

miracles of modern humanity ( chapter 99 ) ... roy and laura

2011-11-05T16:13:00.000-07:00

shameless ashmoleans

2011-11-05T16:06:00.000-07:00

alas ! poor rudolf ... i knew him well !

2011-11-05T16:00:00.000-07:00

thinks: i haven't owned a comb for thirty years

2011-11-04T23:13:00.000-07:00

trucker's rest break on a dark day in denbies vinyard

2011-11-03T08:28:00.000-07:00

i am sipping from a small glass of torres diez in memory of my sweet friend george collinson who passed away this morning

2011-11-02T10:23:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VV0RtQ_BOT0

british summer time bites the dust ... nearly but never completely

2011-10-30T00:19:00.000-07:00

read, learn, and inwardly digest ...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-12849630

shocking and distasteful ...

2011-10-28T11:55:00.000-07:00

écoutez ...
http://soundcloud.com/kraftykuts/krafty-kuts-radio-1-with-annie

autumn sunbathers ... ten yards from my bus stop at putney heath

2011-10-28T08:34:00.000-07:00

fancy floristry at burwash church

2011-10-27T12:35:00.000-07:00

prick up your ears and take in eleven minutes of someone else's lateral thinking, a beautifully spoken eleven minute tour of the mind

2011-10-25T10:46:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/user/theRSAorg#p/u/1/dFs9WO2B8uI

a little bit of local colour

2011-10-24T14:32:00.000-07:00

rugby fans at the french bar near clapham common at half past nine on sunday morning

2011-10-24T14:29:00.000-07:00

how the poor become poorer ... by shopping in oxfam

2011-10-21T23:17:00.000-07:00